Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Is It Me, Or Am I Going Crazy?

I have been on birth control pills since I was 16 years old (have I mentioned this? Probably.) That means, I was on birth control pills for 12 years.

Apparently birth control pills are also behavior modification pills. Because now that I am off of them, I have gone CRAZY!

Now, when I was on birth control pills (or bcp, since writing out birth control pills over and over is making me brain hurt), I would occasionally switch types. When I switched, I could see that I was a bit more hormonal than usual (during the second semester of my freshman year of college, I switched pills and then called my mom crying once a week).

It never really occurred to me what would happen when I went off bcp cold turkey. Crazy is what happened. I say things, or do things, that I would look at later, almost in 3rd person, and think "seriously? why are you doing that?" I randomly get really angry or really upset for reasons that have never particularly bothered me before. And then I take it out on the people who are around me. Unfortunately, that is usually Brian.

I'm trying, really trying, to not let the hormones control me. I used to be a cool, relaxed person. Someone who let things go with the flow. I'm trying to find that person again. I liked her. Other people liked her. If I have done something or said something to you that hurt you or pissed you off or just plain confused you with it's irrationality, I am sorry. It's not me. It's the hormones!

No comments:

Post a Comment