Letters to Amelia--Your First Week

Dear Amelia,

Today, you are three days old, and you have been home for more than two of those days. It's strange and surreal actually having you here, instead of in my tummy. I was going through my calendar and saw that I have a prenatal appointment scheduled in two days. Guess that's what happens when you show up a week early!

You remind me so much of your sister at times and other times, not at all. I remember being so NERVOUS those first weeks with your sister. We were co-sleeping, since that was the only way she would sleep, and I kept reading so many contradicting opinions about why we should/shouldn't co-sleep. Then I was worried about whether she was eating enough, whether I was making enough milk, blah blah blah. With you, we've had to hit the ground running. We're co-sleeping again--since, like your sister, you won't sleep any other way (except of course for the middle of the afternoon, when you will sleep in your swing just fine. What's that about?)--but this time, I'm not terrified I will roll over and smother you. You're nursing like gangbusters--pretty much whenever you aren't sleeping you're nursing. Mostly though, we're figuring out how to balance taking care of and bonding with you and being there and not letting your sister feel left out or neglected.

While we are still learning all about you, there are a few things we've discovered that, of course, melt our heart:
-you have long, long fingers and toes, just like your daddy
-you absolutely hate being cold. It's May and we've had you in a long sleeve onesie and socks, with a pair of pajamas over those!
-when you sleep and right when you wake up, you make the mouse-y squeaky noises that are just too cute.

Amelia Margaret, the Day You Were Born

Well, I always had the feeling that our little bean was never going to wait until May 15th. Just like her sister before her, she was eager and ready to see the world!

The day started normally enough. I knew it was going to be a busy one. It was a Thursday, so I was up early moving the car (fie on those street cleaning mornings!) And then I was cleaning the house. Just a bit of sweeping and organizing, since we were going to be visiting with Brian's Grandma Lou and Great Grandma Ellie that afternoon. Lorelei and I hit the farmer's market, then headed down to Foster City for a prenatal massage. It was a full hour of heaven. I may or may not have fallen asleep for part of it! The night before had been rough. Miss Amelia had kept me up kicking until about 1 am, and I woke at 6 to move the car. We got home with enough time for Lorelei to take a short nap before our guests arrived.

Much to our surprise, it wasn't just BeeBee, Grandma Lou and Aunt Ellie, but Melissa, Logi and Edson as well! Suddenly, our house was filled with toddlers running around and causing mayhem and a whole bunch of us adults there to watch them do it! It was as if someone was looking down on me and saying "Are you ready for this!?!"

That night, after dinner, I wasn't feeling too awesome. I chalked it up to a long day, and a lot of french fries (we took the kids to The Habit for dinner). So I went to bed with the plan to wake up, take Lorelei to school, go swimming and finish up some work I had to do. Clearly, Amelia had a different plan.

I woke up at 1 am feeling like I had to pee. I got up and peed on the floor. Not normal. I went to the bathroom, cleaned up the bedroom floor and walked around a bit. No contractions. So I went back to bed. About 20 minutes later, the same thing happened. Had to pee and dripped all over the floor. Now while my bladder control hasn't been fantastic lately, that is not my normal thing. But still no contractions. So I put on my robe and walked around a bit more. Packed Lorelei's lunch. Emptied the dishwasher. Folded some clothes. And then the contractions started. I called in to Kaiser and they wanted us to head in. So...I called in the team!

Mom hopped in the car and headed in from Sacramento to be with Lorelei. Bonnie hopped in an Uber to join us at the hospital. Albert knew he was on call for Lorelei in case she woke up. We let Lorelei know that we were going to the hospital because the baby was ready to come, and we were on our way.

By the time we got to the hospital and got ourselves all checked in to our room, it was almost 4:30 am. I'd been in labor for about three and a half hours, and the contractions were very manageable. Just breathe through them. Since I had GBS, I needed to have an IV and antibiotics right away. They plugged me in (after considerable effort, I might add. They had to put the IV into the top of my hand instead of my arm, which was uncomfortable at best.) Then they hooked me up to the fetal monitoring. We had requested intermittent fetal monitoring--which means two very different things to us and the hospital staff. To them, intermittent fetal monitoring means 20 minutes on, 40 minutes off. During which I needed to be lying down. Not ideal for laboring. Anyway, the point was moot, since I also needed to be in the bed to get the antibiotics which would take an hour to administer the first dose. Brian and Bonnie stretched out on the pull out couch, and we all fell asleep for about two hours.

We woke around 8, and we all had some snacks. The nurse came in and disconnected me, which was great because A) I had to pee, and B) the contractions were getting stronger and I really wanted to be out of the bed. Over the course of the next few hours, the contractions went from every 5 minutes to almost on top of each other. I labored on my yoga ball and I labored while hanging on to Brian, with Bonnie rubbing my back (which was awesome). I really wanted to get in the shower, but just as we were about to do that, the nurse came back in for more fetal monitoring and my next dose of antibiotics--which was only supposed to take 30 minutes.

Those were the longest 30 minutes ever.

By the time I was done with the antibiotics, I was swearing and I felt like I was frothing at the mouth. I needed to get OFF the IV and I needed to get OFF the monitoring. Luckily my midwife (who was fantastic) told them to get me off of them and to use the biometric monitoring instead--which we had requested initially, a request which had been ignored by the first nurse. I was ready to get in the shower, when I felt like I needed to push. Somewhere amid the grunting and the swearing, I found the serenity to calmly state "I would like to be checked. I feel like I need to push." My midwife came in, took a look and said (against our request to not let me know how far along I was ) "You're at a 9, but the cervix is really soft. Listen to your body and push if you need to." Then she told the nurse to get everyone in the room. Now.

And so...I pushed. I was on the very edge of the bed on my side, clinging to Brian's neck and grabbing him for every contraction and every push. It was hard and it hurt. And I wanted to be DONE. Since Brian was occupied supporting the rest of me, Bonnie grabbed my leg and held it high (and pretty much got a front row seat for the rest of the show). After two rounds of pushing I heard them say "she's crowning" and I reached down and felt the head. Knowing I was so close, I pushed as hard as I could and I was finally done! All said and done, it took 9 hours. It was 10:15 am. She weighed 7 pounds, 14 ounces, and was 21 inches long.

They put Amelia on my tummy and with the help of our midwife and the nurse, the cord was clamped and cut (by Brian) and I pushed the placenta out. I don't really remember that hurting as much as it did!

We were transferred to the Mother and Baby rooms and had visits from Grandma Chris and Lorelei, Poppy Jeff, BeeBee and even Auntie Mel, Logan and Edson! My required food of choice for admission: a Lobster Roll from the Lobster Shack across the street. After 9 hours of labor, it was the MOST delicious thing ever! They even tossed in a free pink strawberry soda, when they heard that I had just given birth to a baby girl!

The next step--and probably the most difficult one, outside of actually giving birth--was getting out of the hospital! While our midwife was fine with us leaving after 6 to 8 hours, the pediatrician on staff...not so much. She wanted to observe Amelia for the next 15 hours. Hourly checks all night, uncomfortable beds, plus hospital food? No thanks. After many dire warnings about checking out AMA, and promises to come back in the morning for a pediatrician appointment (with OUR pediatrician) and the heel stick test, plus a full two hours to get all the paperwork done, and we were out of there!

Our first night was pretty fantastic. During the day, Amelia slept most of the time and wasn't too interested in nursing. When we got home, she continued to sleep. We set up the Rock and Play next to our bed, strapped Amelia into a swaddle and set the timer for 3 hours. Every 3 hours, I would get her up, nurse her, then strap her back in. I think I got more sleep that first night than I had for the entire two weeks before!

So far, Lorelei seems pretty enamored with her little sister. She wants to hold her all the time and loves singing to her. She's also a little jealous, which is natural. We're making sure to give her lots of mommy and daddy time, but it's still a lot of changes for her, which is hard...for everyone!

It was an amazing, long day and it is still a little surreal not to be pregnant any more!

Pictures from our first two days:

Dear Small Fry--28 Weeks

Dear Small Fry,

Today is not any sort of prenatal milestone. In fact, I'm still not 100% exactly how many weeks pregnant I am. 28, I think. And such is the life, I gather, of the second child!

Today is the day when I realized that it's okay to take time for me...and then to actually do it. I mean, I KNOW it's okay for me to take time for myself, and in fact it's very important to do so. I've read the books, the articles, the blogs, etc. But knowing and doing are two VERY different things. Today, I took a 5 minute nap on my 10 minute break. It seems so simple, but I felt absolutely rejuvenated when I got up the vaguely uncomfortable couch in our staff office.

So far, this pregnancy has been harder than our first. And while it's easy to say "uh oh, signs of things to come" I don't really think so. I think that it is more that I have been pregnant in winter and have a ton of stuff and responsibility on my plate. Way more than with your sister. For instance, I can't just sleep until 9 every day. Heck, I can't sleep until 7:30--since I am usually getting up earlier to get your sister ready for preschool. I am pretty proud of myself though, your room is mostly done!

Things really are getting real though! We've scheduled our Meet the Midwives class at Kaiser, to see who we may be working with when you are born. I've also scheduled a sibling preparation class for your sister. It's exciting and terrifying all at once!

I'm now going to finish my evening taking time for myself by going to bed early. I finally don't feel terrible (it seems like the last two weeks has been the worst ever), but I really just want to lie down in my bed and be comfy. So that's what I'm going to do.

See you soon!

Love
Mama

3 Years Old!

Dear Lorelei,

Today, you are three years old. I find that an awe inspiring and terrifying idea. How did that happen so quickly??? It seems as if this year has gone by in a flash, yet you are so different from your two year old self that I remember so well. Your personality has definitely developed this year and you are very much your own person.

You are Adventurous.
Seriously. You are not afraid to try new things and you warm up to new people and situations really well. You adapted to school like no one's business and are even (dare I say it) very popular among your classmates. This totally throws me, since your dad and I weren't terribly popular in school. You are also physically adventurous--willing to climb to new heights and do things that terrify me! At the park last week, you mastered walking across a balancing bridge and even jumped off a three foot tall platform by yourself!

You are Opinionated.
There are things you like and things you very much do not like, and you are not afraid to let us know which is which! While this sounds like many three year olds, it makes us laugh. You do not like for us to sing or dance at the dinner table or in the car or while you are watching a movie. We need to dance in the living room, to specific music, at specific times (usually before bed, when you are supposed to be brushing your teeth). You also have very definite ideas about what to wear. You refuse to wear jeans or cords at all. Only leggings or tights. You want things to "match" but not in the way most people think of matching. Today, you wore your Frozen shirt with hearts on it with your coordinating black leggings with turquoise hearts and your black rain boots with hearts on them--they matched because they all had hearts. It was not okay, however, that Mommy was wearing a yellow sweater with my blue shirt and jeans. Mommy needed to wear a blue sweater.

You are Kind.
You are well loved by your classmates and teachers. You adore your cousin Logan (something which is mutual). You love giving hugs and kisses to everyone--even the dogs! You pushed down your friend Ruby at a playdate, just to give her an apology hug after. You are looking forward to being a big sister, and love practicing tucking your babies in, giving them bottles and changing their diapers.

You are so Grown Up.
You are mostly potty trained at this point. While you still have accidents--usually when you are too busy playing and having fun to bother stopping--they are few and far between. You have even been consistently waking up from naps dry and have even woken up a few mornings with a dry diaper! You want to read so badly--our bedtime story has become very challenging lately! You want to read me the story, nevermind that you can't actually read. It seems we have a nightly negotiation where Mommy reads the words and Lorelei turns the pages. I guess we may start being a little more proactive in teaching you your letters and sounds! You want to do everything yourself. You pick out your jammies and diapers at night, and put them on by yourself. You want to pick all of your clothes and shoes and do it all yourself, because you are a "Big Girl". But sometimes, you still want to be my baby.

We are very proud of the little person you are becoming. Happy Birthday to my Best Girl!

 

Dear Newbie-18 weeks

Dear Newbie (what I'm calling you this week),

You are 18 weeks along this week. I'm finally FINALLY feeling better. I had a few weeks there where it was seriously touch and go. I'm back to eating meat, mostly. Thanks for giving me a break! Now can you explain the cheese thing? I mean, I love cheese, but I seriously cannot get enough of it right now. Particularly fresh mozzarella. And eggs. I could eat mozzarella, hard boiled eggs and toast with butter for every meal and be a happy camper.

Things are definitely getting real. I actually look pregnant (in a big way. It was like I "popped" overnight)! And I just got our first package in the mail for you--7 brand new cloth diapers, to replace some of the old, ratty ones your sister wore through. So if you are a girl, and 99% of your stuff is hand me downs from Lorelei, you will at least have 7 brand new diapers bought just for you!

I've been thinking about your nursery a lot. Of course, right now it is covered in boxes and presents and Christmas decorations. Then it will be full of birthday stuff for your sister. But then...then it will be your turn and I will finally have the time to actually get stuff going for you! I've been thinking of a woodland theme, but subtle. Lots of natural wood objects, images of deer, rabbits and foxes. Robin's egg blue, gray and a kind of yellow-green (not quite chartreuse). I've got a few ideas up my sleeve...

We'll be seeing you (in about 155 days!)

Love
Mama

November

Favorite Activity: Going to preschool, watching her favorite shows and movies (Daniel Tiger and Pocahontas/Mulan), painting

Favorite Food: applesauce, "shiny bunnnies" aka Annie's gummy bunnies, "square cheese" aka Tillamook colby jack slices.

Favorite word or phrase to say: "Lorelei good helper!"

Cutest Moment: Getting so excited to see "Super Grandma" for Thanksgiving, stealing whipped cream off of her (much older) cousins' dessert plates at Thanksgiving, following her cousin Natalie around like a puppy.

Naughtiest Moment: Epic meltdowns

How Mom's Feeling: Wait. It's December? And I haven't done this yet? This is how my month has been! Crazy! I honestly don't even remember November. Some things happened. Thanksgiving. We survived our first road trip with a toddler. It actually went very smoothly. We made a few stops, came up with some baby names--Zebulon Archimedes and Zelda...something or other :)
The best, and most surreal moment, was sitting on the beach in Ventura on Thanksgiving morning in our bathing suits, building sandcastles. Such a classic southern California Thanksgiving! And now we're almost halfway into December and we've jumped into Christmas (and Hanukkah at work and preschool). Oy veh!

Dear Itty Bitty-15 weeks

Dear Itty Bitty,

(I've decided at this point to call you Itty Bitty until we know who you are. It's either Itty Bitty or Zebulon. And if you're a girl, Zebulon certainly won't work!)

So again, Dear Itty Bitty,

This week you are 14 weeks. Or maybe it's 15. I don't know. And I'm pretty sure that doesn't make me a bad mom. It's just that life is so crazy right now. I'm chasing (literally) after your big sister Lorelei, teaching preschool gardening classes three mornings a week and teaching afterschool Kindergarten 5 days a week.

Your existence is, well, a little surreal. I guess it's why this is the first time I've written to you. When your sister was conceived, we saw ultrasounds of her every week. I was taking hormones and pills and injecting my tummy with meds. And I was throwing up all the time. She didn't (and still doesn't) stay in the background.

You on the other hand, came quickly and unexpectedly. It was almost too easy. I expected the other shoe to drop. But it didn't. And I felt nausea, and I've thrown up (and am still feeling rather sick), but nothing like with your sister (thank god). And suddenly, I'm in the second trimester.

You don't like meat. What's up with that, kid? With the exception of fish, I can't eat beef, pork or chicken. I've gone virtually vegetarian. Which is fine, except I still need to cook meat for the rest of the house. I was thinking I wasn't having any cravings, really, except this morning I realized that I'm completely obsessed with grilled cheese sandwiches and could probably eat one a day. So, you don't like meat but love a good grilled cheese.

Your big sister is very excited about you. We've been watching a lot of Daniel Tiger episodes about having a new baby. She thinks you are going to be a baby sister. Until she thinks you will be a baby brother. It's very cute to see.

Your daddy and I are having a little more fun with your pregnancy than with your sister's. With Lorelei, we were so excited about everything that we couldn't wait to share it with the world. With you though, we're having fun keeping everything a little close to the vest. We waited the full 12 weeks before announcing I was pregnant. And then we did it by dropping clues with music videos. We'll probably find out if you are a boy or a girl, but we might not tell everyone else. Or we might. We're definitely keeping your name a secret. We're not planning on having more kids, so we're going to have as much fun as we can with you!

Time is flying fast. We'll see you in May!

Love,
Mama