No Dice

So yeah. Five Early Sign Pregnancy Tests Later (don't worry. I actually used the dollar store equivalent. Which are great except you have to first pee in a cup. Which is weird) and five negatives. Plus I got my period. I won't lie. I cried. At the movies. To see a kid movie (it was Rango. Excellent movie, by the way). It was an awkward moment for Brian. But he's awesome and held me while  I cried in the dark theater with kids surrounding me.

On the plus side, I've got some good data. It appears that my cycle is actually pretty regular (who knew?) and for the last two months, my cycle length has been the same and my ovulations have been within a day of each other. So it should make timing this month a lot easier. Starting tomorrow, I hit my five day fertile period, so wish me luck!

And now we play the waiting game...

Snicker. That line always reminds me of Family Guy. I'm a dork. I know. Moving on...

So, according to my charts--I've decided to combine the phone app with the charting; it's just easier to read the graphs on my charts than on my phone--my temperature spiked on Tuesday and the temps have stayed up (granted, it's now Thursday, so not THAT long). Which means that my most fertile days were the previous 6 days. And we...um...tried to hit the target three times in that time period.

Sorry. I know this is a pregnancy blog and all, so some sex talk should be expected but, you know, my mom is going to be reading this. And my sisters-in-law and my MOTHER-IN-LAW (hi Barbara!). It just makes me a little...squidgy.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I feel pretty good about this month. I mean, I felt pretty good the last two months as well, but we're far enough away from that first disastrous miscarriage thing that my cycle should be getting back to normal. And now we just wait. According to my previous charts, my luteal phase (Ha! Look at me using technical terms!) should be about 12 days. So 9 days to go before I take the pregnancy test (or for my period to start).

Is It Me, Or Am I Going Crazy?

I have been on birth control pills since I was 16 years old (have I mentioned this? Probably.) That means, I was on birth control pills for 12 years.

Apparently birth control pills are also behavior modification pills. Because now that I am off of them, I have gone CRAZY!

Now, when I was on birth control pills (or bcp, since writing out birth control pills over and over is making me brain hurt), I would occasionally switch types. When I switched, I could see that I was a bit more hormonal than usual (during the second semester of my freshman year of college, I switched pills and then called my mom crying once a week).

It never really occurred to me what would happen when I went off bcp cold turkey. Crazy is what happened. I say things, or do things, that I would look at later, almost in 3rd person, and think "seriously? why are you doing that?" I randomly get really angry or really upset for reasons that have never particularly bothered me before. And then I take it out on the people who are around me. Unfortunately, that is usually Brian.

I'm trying, really trying, to not let the hormones control me. I used to be a cool, relaxed person. Someone who let things go with the flow. I'm trying to find that person again. I liked her. Other people liked her. If I have done something or said something to you that hurt you or pissed you off or just plain confused you with it's irrationality, I am sorry. It's not me. It's the hormones!

Holy Acne, Batman!

That whole thing about breaking out when you go off the pill is no joke. Seriously. I have not had acne like this since high school. Before I went on the pill. Guess that claim of clearing up your skin actually was right!

So now, after years of washing my face with just water...maybe, I have gotten myself into a regular skin care regimen. I feel like such a grown up! It's been about a week since I started, and I think my skin is looking better. Less blotchy, red, and broken out. We'll see how I'm looking in a few weeks...

I am not good at charting

I am not good at charting. Seriously. I'm pretty good at remembering to take my temp and check my oil, as Brian likes to call it, but actually transcribing that onto the chart...not so much. I have so many other things to do while in bed in the morning. You know, like checking my email, my Facebook, coming up with a new word against Barbara on Wordfeud. What, you mean all of these things are done on my phone? So why don't I just download an app so I can just chart on my phone?

Ok. I will.

It's handy, plus I'll always know when my last period was (or when we tried last) for going to the doctor. It also indicates when you should be most fertile and when your period should start. It'll be interesting to see how accurate it is.

In case you are wondering what app it is, it's called My Days App.
Check it out if you are so inclined.

Happy New Year!

Well, my body seems to be recovering nicely and I'm back to eating my favorite foods: chai tea, sushi, wine and chocolate! And just in time for our New Year's Resolution--actively try to get pregnant.

Let me tell you, we plan on working VERY HARD on this resolution ;-)

On another note, our friends Sandi and Chris have officially announced that they are expecting and we are super excited for them! I can't wait to get started on my knitting projects for them.

Have a happy New Year!

False Alarm

Don't get too excited yet...I was pregnant for all of 3 1/2 weeks and then I got my period. Am I disappointed? Absolutely. In a way though, I'm glad. I would never have wished for this to happen, but the timing was really awful. On top of the whole wedding thing, which would have totally sucked, we found out that I can only get disability after I have been enrolled in the disability program 9 months. If I were to give birth before the 9 month mark, I would not have been able to get disability--which is what would have happened.

 All in all, I'm not devastated by what happened. That kind of tells me that this was meant to be. Though we were looking forward to breaking the news to the family!

Good things to come from this:
#1 Now we know I can get pregnant (and this time we weren't even trying), so getting pregnant again shouldn't be an issue.
#2 The miscarriage happened early enough in the pregnancy that the fetus hadn't even attached to the uterine wall. It was also early enough that we weren't emotionally attached to it.
#3 I know I am ready to get pregnant. I loved knowing I was pregnant. I loved having that little secret inside me. I didn't even mind the morning sickness. (I honestly found it reassuring). I can't wait to start trying again!

Now...back to charting!